Another 24 hours passes, I wake early and one of the first things on my mind is, ‘what is the latest Corona virus update’ particularly in Europe. Slowly my mind accepts our current situation. I have no choice, I must. I clear my head and try to consider my options.
I’m conflicted with my level of disappointment about this, fully aware that people in the world, in their lives are facing much worse situations than a holiday being disrupted, but something I learnt when in the depths of my grief for Harry was that no matter what your issue is, it’s your pain, your reality, your pain is real to you.
When Harry died I had a close friend at the time who bought a business. I had been so envious of her, she seemed to have it all. They had taken the leap many of us are to scared to and bought a business, a franchise and left the shackles of being an employee. They bought a lovely period style home in a sought after area which at the time spelt success. They had made it, and I was envious. They had the freedom of owing their own business and having ‘no boss’ breathing down your neck, looking at what time you walked in to start your working day and what time you left. They had the brand new car, were renovating a dream home and were parents to 3 beautiful children.
As friends Harry and I had witnessed the journey, shared in their excitement, dined at their beautiful home, I wished I could have the car she had, their home, the beautiful tapestried wing chair that sat in the sunlit corner of their living room. Our lives were in good places, all of our lives, but you can still feel a little envy of your friends who are living a life you admire.
A home furnished with beautiful furniture, the garden perfect, their life looked perfect until it all came crashing down. The business didn’t grow as it should of been and the bank came looking for its money.
Whilst this was happening to them Harry was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. Her life was falling apart with the bank forcing the sale of their assets the home and car and everything else they could sell to pay their debt, got sold.
Harry wanting me to have a safe car to drive our children around in after his death bought their car for me. When I got that car I felt so lucky to have a nice car, sad for them to have to sell it but they were grateful we had bought it and helped them get out of their money troubles a little. Harry died soon after. https://the-world-thru-my-eyes.blog/2017/11/08/when-death-comes-knocking-at-your-door-on-some-idle-tuesday-af/.
Baz Luhrmann’s Everybody song, a song whose lyrics I often refer to says,
Don’t waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind
The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself
I remember visiting my friend in the thick of my own grief and her telling me about their financial worries and how her dreams had been taken from her, her home she had painstakingly renovated, loved and was immensely proud of , the disruption to her family life and embarrassment they felt of losing everything . As I listened to her talk one day as I visited, initially I thought, it’s just money you’ve lost, my husband has died.
But as I sat and listened more and felt her pain I could acknowledge that she had lost everything in a financial sense that her current situation was having an enormous impact on her life and happiness at that moment in her life and that she was in very real emotional pain. That she was suffering her own hell. That they would be financially starting from scratch.
I drove home that afternoon and thought to myself if it’s your emotional pain, your emotional hell when in the thick of it, it’s very real to you no matter what else is going on in someone else’s life. Her world was falling part just like mine was.
I wonder now when I write this has the devastation she felt at the time lingered and had the same life changing effects on her 20 years later been as my loss has had on me. Does she lie in bed and think about what she lost often like I do or if that one thing hadn’t happened in her life where would her life be now. I still see the intact family photos on Instagram, their faces a few wiser years older and their family grown up and intact. The 5 of them. I’ve never asked her the question so I can’t be sure however I think the long term emotional effect of death of my husband has been more enduring than their financial downfall but I’m only speculating. Maybe it’s just me feeling sorry for myself. Maybe that time took more of a toll on her life than the pictures show just like my pictures and my life.
Absolutely there is no question that those losing loved ones to this COVID-19 virus are the ones paying the biggest price over those who are facing financial ruin and definitely me the shattering of a travel dream. People can rebuild their financial lives, bounce back, recover. Life may never be the same for some but they will go on. I will have many more holidays over the years. But right now this virus is affecting so many people on so many levels. And right now like my friend my pain feels very real to me. My disappointment, but I know it’s temporary and that’s comforting in itself.
Sitting back, waking up and putting it in perspective. It’s a temporary setback. Everyone who is having their holidays disrupted will be disappointed but on the big scale we will be ok. I can’t help to be a little angry that this was a preventable situation, that unhealthy, unhygienic cruel practices by human to animals in a country that failed to learn from the SARS outbreak by not stopping these occurrences in wet markets and helping prevention of a reoccurrence of disease spread that has put the world in this critical situation almost a complete shutdown. Australia is reporting in the media almost certainly it will now go into a recession which will affect many lives just in my country alone. That the Coronavirus COVID-19 will impact financially on our country more that the global financial crisis ( GFC) .
It’s not the individuals of that nation of the where the outbreak began who are to blame other than those being cruel to animals, it’s the governance. I think we have a long way to go before this situation feels under control. Australia is heading into its winter. The Government has announced pop up medical clinics and testing stations as it ramps up its response. Today the 11th of March 2020, the Australian infection rate is 116. I think this is the tip of the iceberg as we go into our cooler months.
The ABC have a podcast which focus’s just on the Caronavirus, COVID 19 and you know when you download a podcast called Cornonacast and it becomes one of your daily listening pods you are fully immersed in the drama of it. This virus and it’s effects has consumed my news reading. This virus has disrupted my dream holiday and I’m nothing short of shattered.
Tomorrow I meet with my travel agent to discuss where to from here, Plan B needs to be enacted! What that entails, I have no idea. I will keep you posted.
Love Lucy x