The Haters

It’s crazy how our haters hold us back. How we fear their judgement and criticism, yet their opinion of us shouldn’t matter. Why do we let them affect us living our life with carefreeness.

The haters we logically know are the minority of people in our life yet they lurk in our minds. We think before we do wondering if we are giving them fodder to laugh and snigger. Why does their laughter and sniggers affect us so much. It’s because it hurts, it’s because it makes us question our self-worth. It affects our confidence those few what should be insignificant people.

For some reason we try to stay under their radar. We find ourself circumventing their tentacles that suck us into their hurtful behaviour. We go on with our day being who we are but with a guard of awareness of their effect on us.

This is the craziness. Most people are good to us, encouraging, kind and supportive yet we fear this judgment from those who don’t really care about us.

Who are these judges in our life, who are these people. What is so harmful about them to us that we fear them. We fear feeling stupid, we fear pushing the boundaries and failing to have them laugh at our endeavours. To reinforce the lesser humans we must be than them.

But I ask you this, if this endeavour you are trying was successful would we care what they think. No, we’d be smiling like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Their opinion would mean nothing.

How do we push past their potential giggles of us trying and living our best life. How do we build armour to go out there and do our best and not let their sniggers affect us. Is it saying this is my life, I am not insignificant, you are not better than me. Is it about having self belief. Because the reason we wouldn’t care what they think if we are successful is because successful confirms our self belief was right, that we didn’t fail, that we weren’t stupid for following our dreams or just being ourselves. That we are people to be proud of. That we aren’t getting ahead of ourselves like the haters want us to believe.

Self confidence, self belief is what allows us to live our life to the fullest, but first you have to be strong enough to fight the doubters, the criticisers. To be strong enough to not let them hurt you and create self-doubt.

Can this be achieved by gently putting your self out there? Dipping the toe in the water and waiting to see if it gets bitten off. If it even gets a nibble from them will we completely pull back and not dabble in the waters again incase next time we do lose our toe, foot or even half our leg. Is the fear of that to strong, too humiliating, too hard to bounce back from so it’s best not try.

Successful people constantly step outside their comfort zones, have self belief and take on the theory fake it until you make it. They are prepared for knock backs and seem to handle rejection.

Rejection drives our fear. Our fear to try. We stay within our circle of comfort avoiding the negative feelings stepping over that boundary of comfort can bring.

Once again who are these people who impact your life so much that you are too scared to fail in front of, or to scared to appear vulnerable in front of. If you fail what do you think will happen. Will the humiliation be too much for you to face.

If the haters weren’t in your life right now, would you go for it. Would you allow yourself to burst out and strive for your dreams. You probably would. But you know right now all the judges are right there just waiting to judge you.

I think you need to remember that sometimes pushing your boundaries means pushing through that fear. Rejection, humiliation and vulnerability. We get so stuck in being what people expect us to be or want us to be. And socialized to not think to highly of ourselves, to remain in the mainstream and to allow the haters, ‘to keep us in our place’. They want you kept in ‘your place’ because they don’t really like you because they don’t wish you well. You may even actually be an idiot in many ways and there’s good reason for their dislike of you, but perhaps, just perhaps, they envy you. What if perhaps their disdain for you is coming from a place of the green-eyed monster. What if they want to hold you back because they don’t want you to succeed because really they are envious of some aspect of you and you succeeding makes their envy even stronger. What if by keeping you in ‘your place’ makes them feel powerful and better about themselves because they know they have the control over someone, and that someone may be you. They need to keep you down so they feel better about themselves and their lives. Their lives that they feel is mediocre and nothing special. Perhaps deep down they feel their lives never met their expectation and are envious of others whose lives they perceive went better that theirs and they prey on who they perceive as weaker than them because it makes them feel better about themselves and their life, it makes their lives seem more important by putting your life down. Perhaps they don’t even realise that their sniggers affect your confidence and hurt you. Perhaps they are not meaning to hurt you and are oblivious to your lesser confidence to theirs. Perhaps they don’t realise their confidence intimidates you.

What if you could embrace your individuality and really believe that individuality is true power. Your power, your magic that makes you unique. What if you honestly believed you had something unique to offer the universe. That you matter, that you have something important to say, maybe even something profound.

What if you believed in yourself. Believed in your own goodness, knowledge and talent, your individuality. What if you realised all these people you were scared would judge you one day themselves may have faked it until they made it or that some are just mean with envy or just plain mean and thoughtless. That everyone starts somewhere and that following life’s dreams and desires is a learning curve. That you will make mistakes but that you can learn from them to do it better next time, to eventually get it right. Why should we be ashamed of doing our best even if it’s not to smash some record but even just to have a personal achievement.

What if we just tried. What if we were actually game enough to do that. I wonder what we could achieve.

When I was thinking about whether I could climb a mountain in China I had some doubters filling my excited but slightly doubtful mind. Ted gave me some amazing advice. ‘ Don’t let others tell you you can’t do it’. He believed in me and sometimes it just takes that 1 or 2 people to believe in you to have a go. I did climb that mountain and I did stand on that summit and look down to the sea of clouds below and I did feel proud of myself. I did make it, I did do it! He believed in me so I believed in me. He walked every step of that mountain with me encouraging me every step of he way. We climbed that mountain together.

I write this blog because I had one friend believe in me. She believed I had a way of putting things in writing. So with a little help from others and my own determinaton to work out how to be a blogger I set up this blog page.

This blog is public and it’s hard to put down your personal story, and vulnerabilities and I’m constantly waiting for the haters to tear me down. I’m constantly waiting to be judged on my thoughts, my writing style, my opinions, my amateur attempts in a world of blogging.

But I do like my blog, it’s a nice hobby for me, so for now I continue to post about the stuff of my life and thoughts. The challenge will be when the haters show themselves. Will I be able to hold my wall of armour and forge forward. Or will they win and stop me in my tracks.

It’s not about nuance debate of thoughts that’s a good thing, a healthy thing and I welcome that. It’s about sniggering, it’s about hurtful behaviour, they are the haters. The cruel ones. The mean girls in the school yard. The ones who gain self-importance from cutting others down or unaware of how their actions impact others.

Someone once said to me in life they’d found, ‘there’s people want you to do well but they don’t want you to do better than them’ . It’s those people who can tear you down. It’s also those who we admire. And they can do so much damage with a few thoughtless words or gestures.

The ability to be resilient to this is to keep telling yourself you are strong, you are following your morals, beliefs and own it. You are you and that is your power that’s your individuality and your uniqueness. You matter. There’s been plenty of people told they can’t do something but still did and don’t regret where that rebellion has taken them. Where that self belief has taken them.

All the best with whatever your personal challenge is. Let’s try to not let the haters and doubters break us down!

Love Lucy x

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